all that we are…

…many moons and stardust.

“What lasts lasts, what doesn’t doesn’t.”

–  Haruki Murakami’s nameless lead in Dance, Dance Dance

Time passing is something that can’t be necessarily seen,

its more of an awareness.

It is a tangible weight which we all feel the slightly increasing pressure of as we grow older.


it happens so quickly while we are consumed in our own mind and world,

that the heaviness is felt in one,

sometimes painful,


an impactful awareness of the

present, future and the past all at once.

after all,

they are one in the same.

The Murakami excerpt comes from toward the ending of the story, where a young girl is deeply regretting the way she treated someone who has died. She didn’t particularly do them wrong directly, just used harsh inner words and judgments at times maybe.

The nameless lead character, who is a 32 year old male writer, responds with no repose and very matter of fact-ly more or less this: that you have no right to feel sorrow and sadness for having done wrong to someone.  You simply choose to act this way, and it is not fair to the person whose life has been disconnect, to have pity on them.  Treat people as you should with respect, no matter.  Because one day they will be gone, and your imprint on their lives remain, and vice versa.

No regrets.

Christmas Eve as the sun was setting, my brother and I were driving home from Christmas Eve dinner at my Aunt Patsy’s house, the same as years before, and we began discussing the state of humanity in general.  This westward drive home is something I look forward too, it is one of my favorite moments of the whole year.  As I soaked in the beautiful saturated pink and orange sherbet sunlight melting away in front of us, I listened with to Patrick’s thoughts on who we are and what we are supposed to be doing here. To quote him as best I can from memory:


 And then I smile,

because in the phrasing of a new friend,

he just gets it.

he continued: we are all just made up of carbon, nitrogen, hydrogen and oxygen.

we are from the dust of the universe and all of us shall one day return to it.

keeping it going…

recycling if you will.

All the things would be so much easier if we just accepted that we know nothing.


no one is right, no one is wrong.  we are all just here.

fragments of the universe…

components of a larger, inconceivably grandiose oneness.

components meant to thrive and work together for the greater good of all the things.

everything, for everyone

because helping someone in need is helping yourself.

it’s helping all of us.

That’s why random acts of kindness

– no matter how small –

are so important for the sake of humanities continued belief in human beings and genuine kindness.

so that people won’t loose faith in people.

because we humans are the only tangible, factual part of God that we have.

if you want to show love to whatever it is you believe in,

 show it through compassion and love for all sentient beings.

we can help each other, and we should whenever possible.

I’ve been contemplating this writing this for months, and in that time I have met 2 other humans who embrace this philosophy.  With whom I have had heartfelt conversations about this very concept.

Both of them I met completely by chance. We smiled and mutually engaged in conversation,

while waiting in lines,

 just – because.

That says it all.

they have been inspiration since being alone on the west coast.  they both are songwriters, with lovely voices.  essentially, two complete strangers gave me a spark of passion and excitement that has recently sustained my being happy and creatively content while in solitude.

even though I’ve just met them, I’m sure I’ve known them awhile.

if everyone did this all the time

– just said hi just because –

think about how many wouldn’t feel so alone

lost or misunderstood.

just because someone smiled, said hi and cared a bit about your condition as a human.

my new home in sonoma is under the sparkling milky way.

the stars really do fall on california…

…i’ve seen more shooting stars since living here for 7 months than I have in my whole life combined.

I feel so lucky and blessed to have this opportunity to be isolated from comfort and fully aware to embrace the unknown.

walking outside every night is full of infinite wonder.

Stardust, everywhere.


“All of the sudden with that thought I felt the pressure of time upon my chest.  I inhaled this realization as deep as I could.  I left the room overwhelmed with fleshy real ness.”

-excerpt from my journal

Murakami, Haruki.  “Dance, Dance, Dance” p 113

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